Creating Space for the Overwhelmed Working Mom

Overwhelm. I have completely and totally fallen into the trap of becoming an overwhelmed working mom.

As a mom and business professional building her brand along with 50-11 other things daily, overwhelmed working mom is a label I carry constantly. The feeling of overwhelm is one that seems to come on slowly in my everyday, but once it presents, it quickly takes over like clockwork.

It starts as this nagging little voice in my head around the magic 2pm hour. A little voice that says “You have been up since 5:30am. You have already accomplished so much. Enough that you probably could just quit for the day.”

Enticing as it sounds, I usually just blame the voice on a lack of energy. Then I down another Celsius, and get back to the grind.

Sound about right?

And yet, at the end of the day, my anxiety is through the roof. I want nothing more than to curl up in my bed and drown myself in the sea of social media. I want to ignore the world, and for the world to ignore me. 

The term “overwhelmed working mom” not only describes me, but it might as well be tattooed on my forehead.

Alas, there is dinner to be made. Homework to be done. Laundry to be switched. Kids to be bathed. (And poked with sharp sticks through the process of brushing their teeth because lord knows, clean teeth MIGHT kill someone.) Stories to be read. Covers to tuck. Children to be ushered back to bed for the 5^th, 6^th, 7^th….screw this, I lost count. Kids to BEG AND PLEAD to get back in their beds so that they can function like productive, happy tiny humans the next day.

Then, just then, maybe you will get a minute to yourself.

Ahhhhh….silence.

But wait! The teenager still needs your help deciding what pajama’s she is going to wear tomorrow for pajama day. Also, the dogs need out.

And In.

And out again.

Also, you forgot to check the kid’s folders. Someone still needs $3 for the Valentine’s party next week. Shoot, you never texted your mom back. Or your best friend from college who texted you last week.

Oh!

And you are also supposed to take some time to go out with a friend to Ikea. You need to get to that this year, especially since you have been talking about it for 6 months.

Yeah, overwhelmed working mom life is cake. Am I right?

Our reward for all of this hard work will be to get up and do it all over again tomorrow.

It is no wonder we are all pulling our hair out, crying to our doctors that we are stressed, overwhelmed and just ready to quit.

Unpacking Quitting Motherhood

Wait, quit motherhood?

Shit, guess that makes me a bad mom now for expressing that thought. That’s fine. With all of this stress I didn’t really feel like a “good mom” anyway…

Add that to the list of things I need to discuss with my therapist why don’t you.

Wait, I am pretty sure I forgot to reschedule that appointment now that I think about it. Oh well, at least it was just one of mine and not one of the kids.

Kids.

Oh yes, the kids.

We are not really going to quit motherhood or our kids. Regardless of how much the overwhelm takes over. We might want to run away sometimes, but not really quit.

There are so many days when the thought crosses our minds, though. Yet, guess what we do not talk about aloud?

The Impact of Silence

The way that we remain silent while falling apart in the face of overwhelm is uncanny. To say the things we are feeling aloud would mean that society would look down on us though, and I can already hear the responses:

“Well if she can’t handle working and motherhood, maybe she just needs to quit her job.”

“I tried to tell her she was trying to do too much. Now she has working mom burnout because she wouldn’t slow down.”

“She really should have just stayed a stay-at-home mom. She obviously can’t handle this.”

“If she didn’t want to deal with all of the duties of being a mom, she probably shouldn’t have had so many kids.”

“Quit. If she was going to quit, she just shouldn’t have had kids at all.”

Think about it, though. How many of us genuinely are staying quiet, holding in the mental load of it all, just to keep from the shame and guilt that is going to come with expressing our true feelings?

We keep on with our household chores, work responsibilities and busy schedule. We make due with the little time we have to ourselves to tend to our personal needs. We stay small, stay quiet, and fully embrace mommy burnout as we accept our place in the ranks of overwhelmed working moms.

Guess what else we do? 

We develop chronic stress, symptoms of depression, and experience sleep deprivation. We find ourselves resenting our jobs, kids, friends, and anyone on the street who dares to smile at us. Slowly, we become incredibly negative people, caught up in this vicious cycle of wishing we could prioritize ourselves, while we listen to society tell us to put everyone else first. 

But how is it that we move from this exhaustive pattern that is continuously driving us to our breaking point, and into one that will bring us less stress and more emotional support? 

Breaking the Cycle

If you have fallen victim to becoming an overwhelmed working mom, mama, you are NOT alone.

I promise you, it is only because as a whole, moms everywhere still do not feel safe expressing their emotional state around silently quitting motherhood.

In order to change this, we HAVE to open the dialog. We need to become more comfortable opening up about our personal lives and our struggles regarding our work-life balance. Be it on social media, over dinner, or to a strange while grabbing coffee. 

If we do not start to normalize discussing the amount of complete mental overload we experience as working mothers, we are doomed to continue down this path. 

Opening up about our stressful work life and family life as a working mother may initially be a struggle. Honestly, though, it likely will become one of the best things we, as millennial mothers, can do to normalize the idea of quitting motherhood and support ourselves and others. 

Knowing that you can be the best mom and still want to quit some days should be a sigh of relief, not a battle cry. 

For some of us, these conversations will start with trusted family members. For others, it may be the group of moms we have built relationships with at soccer practice. Wherever it is for you, start the conversation. 

Finding Support for the Overwhelmed Working Mom

As you embark on the journey of removing the stigma behind overwhelmed working moms, do not discount your mental health. 

Staying quiet about these topics in fear of judgment has led many of us to experience burnout, alongside developing a number of other symptoms. Developing your own support system surrounding your overwhelm is a great way to make you start feeling like a healthy mom again.

In many cases, it may be a good idea to seek out the professional help of a good therapist. Reframing the negative self-talk and learning better ways to cope with your home and work stress levels can do wonders for your emotional state. It is going to take more than a few self-care tips from the internet to make a change, and seeking the help of mental health professionals is a great place to start. 

For others, utilizing support groups, online communities, or even your fellow working moms in the office can start to make a huge difference. Coming together and realizing the realistic expectations of what one super mom can accomplish in a day without compromising herself can be both empowering and permissive.

Start those conversations, mama; you never know who around you needs to hear your story. 

Doing Better for Mom’s Everywhere

The bottom line is that to do better as a collective in opening up about our struggles as working moms. We first have to normalize first putting on our own oxygen mask, then look to how we can help others.  

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The general population needs to collectively realize that the solution to helping overwhelmed working moms is not finding the perfect child care solution for them while they work. It is not enough to normalize postpartum depression for new mothers. Especially not when we then develop a stigma around the open conversation of mental health throughout the rest of motherhood.

It is not enough to implement a few months of maternity leave at the arrival of a new baby, and then expect that a few days of personal time a year will take care of the rest. We have to drop the expectation that, as working moms, we should have the energy levels to take care of everything. To take care of our work duties and household responsibilities and take care of our family while still having time to address our own needs. 

We need to embrace the idea that offering emotional and mental support, and open, unbiased dialog among all working parents is essential to both their personal and professional development.

In order to open the door to talk and hold space to about the hard things everywhere, we need to not just have these discussions with mental health professionals, but also, with each other.

Until we reach the point where society wants to get on board with the conversation, it is up to us moms to open up the dialog. To make space for all mom’s voices to be heard and to ensure that fewer of us are getting caught up in the guilt cycle for wanting to take a break. 

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