Why Myself, Along with Millions of Moms Across the County Will Be Late to Your Holiday Gathering

So, here’s the thing. I am going to just go ahead and say it now. That way, there is no confusion.

My family will be late to your holiday gathering this year.

Whether the gathering is 2 hours away, or even just down the road, you can expect a certain degree of tardiness to them all.

Please do not get me wrong. It is not that I do not want to visit with family and eat yummy food. (Trust me, any time my family is getting fed in a means that I do not have to cook, I am on board.)

Instead, the problem lies in the fact that I am a mom. I am a mom with kids and a husband who all have zero sense of the term, “Hurry your butts up! We are going to be so late that the deviled eggs will all be gone!”

Yes, this is my reality.

Therefore, in an effort to explain, here are the reasons that I will be late. (In no real order mind you. Ain’t no mama got time for that)

My Kids Shoes Have Ceased to Exist

They are not lost. No, just ask them (or frantically scream at them “WHERE ARE YOUR FREAKING SHOES?!?”)

Instead, they have simply disappeared from existence.

And knowing this, while I spend my precious last few minutes tearing apart the house like a mad woman looking for something to throw on this kids feet, my child sits and stares at me. Or, better yet, they find their kindle and choose to play their favorite game rather than assisting crazy mommy.

Yes, we are going be late to the holiday gathering. Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings alike, late will be our name.

Forgot Whatever We Were Supposed To Bring

You know how I volunteered to make an apple crisp completely from scratch for the next holiday gathering? Yeah, that is not going to make it.

Chances are, I forgot it in the refrigerator (after I spent hours slaving over Pinterest to find the perfect recipe, then making it TWICE because, well, Pinterest Fails.).

That, or I completely forgot to make it all together because these kids had me up half the night. (“One more story, mommy. I’m not tired!”)

Therefore, now, I have to go stand in line at the grocery store with all the other moms who forgot. Yep, gonna be late.

I Was In The Car Before My Children’s Attire Was Considered

You know that hustle and bustle you have when you are running late? The one just before you walk out the door? Well, in that hurry just after finding the mythical shoes that do not exist for my kids, I neglected to check what they were wearing.

Now, we are running late to the holiday gathering because my son chose to wear his batman pajama pants with a tank top that he refers to as a bra. (Don’t ask…) My preteen is wearing shorts with leggings (because it is cool, mom), and a very dressy shirt because I asked her to wear something nice.

The baby, well, my husband dressed her, so that is a loss.

So now I am scurrying back into the house with a pissy preteen, and two little’s to dress everyone properly. No worries, it will only take me another 15 minutes.

Husband Was Not Cooperating

In the time it has taken my husband to get out of bed, poop, and get dressed, I have readied the remainder of the family.

He doesn’t want to go, and I know this, yet these gatherings happen once a year so he is willing to sacrifice.

Problem is, in his sacrifice, he is going to drag his feet and realized he is wearing the wrong pants, that he left his shoes (that do exist) upstairs, and not be able to find his socks. All of this will occur after he tells me he is ready.

Eventually, we will make it out the door and to the holiday gathering. Promise.

Kids Used My Prep Time

Getting three kids dressed and ready is no easy feat.

We have to find and coordinate outfits, shoes, coats, hats, gloves, and ensure we have a cup and a snack. All of this has to happen before we leave.

It all also has to happen before I can get dressed.

Therefore, saying the kids used MY prep time when I had to find my son the perfect shirt because he didn’t want that one, search for the shoes my toddler already had on, and find time to do my preteen’s hair (which she doesn’t want me touching) is grossly underestimating my day.

Yes, I will be there dressed and I may even have some makeup on. Do not be fooled, it happened in the car on the way to you.

Coffee Was Required

Coffee is life.

It is the life force that supports me most days. While I love all of the family I see at holiday gatherings fully and fiercely, I do not trust that you have good coffee. Sometimes, I do not trust that you have coffee at all.

Therefore, to ensure I make it through the function without losing my shit because my kids are acting their age instead of the way I want them to act, I am be stopping to get coffee.

And when I come strolling in to the holiday gathering with the fam, 15 minutes late rocking a venti Starbucks drink, I expect you to not say a word.

This is for everyone’s safety. Accept it.

My Shoes/ Keys/ Purse Were Misplaced

And by misplaced, I mean commandeered.

Chances are, my shoes were being used for dress up and have found there way into an unknown closet never to be seen again. My keys? Eh, someone was driving an invisible car with them and now my panic alarm is going off on my car, yet the keys are way past missing. As for my purse…someone has used it as a packing bag, and hopefully it was a bag to run away so that I can use that as the diaper bag for the day.

Optimism, that’s where it’s at.

Also, no worries, we will be there are soon as I can find all of these things.

Honestly, I Fell Asleep/ Completely Forgot

Being a mom is exhausting. I know that as a stay at home mom, many of you think I sleep all day, but honestly, the opposite is true.

I feel like now that I am a stay at home mom, I get less sleep then I did when I was working.

Therefore being late to a holiday gathering because I fell asleep, or, out of utter exhaustion completely forgot about it, is not out of the question.

On the other hand, I will still get there, kids and husband in tow. I will apologize profusely, and probably not tell you what actually happened. I will do this all with a smile on my face while secretly hoping you didn’t notice how late I am.

Chances are, I will do this more than once. Let’s not keep track. Okay?

So friends, family, loved ones of all ages. While I will inevitably show up late to your holiday gatherings, please remember one thing.

It is not that I love you any less, or find your event to be any less important than anything else I have going on. It is simply that one, two, or quite possibly all of these events have occurred over the course of my day.

Therefore, when we show up late, please don’t rub it in my face. Say hi. Give hugs. Hold me while I cry on your shoulder because we made it when I no longer thought it was possible.

These are the things that are going to mean the most right now, and this is what I need. The season of tardiness will somewhat come to pass as my kids grow, but in this season, I have learned to roll with the punches. Please ensure for the same grace in your household this holiday.

Also, don’t forget the coffee.